I’m sitting on the swirly carpet of Frolic!, Williamsburg’s $1000-a-year ultra trendy kids club, with 15 other moms. But I’m not talking play dates or toddler meals because it’s a Thursday night and sexpert Dana B. Myers has taken over. The lights are dimmed, I’m propped beside the child-sized Schoenhut piano with a huge glass of white wine, and I’m listening to a foxy male model (trussed-up in David Beckham underwear) read to us from a book of saucy erotica.
This is just one of Dana’s tricks to kick-start us knackered mothers back into something approaching eagerness in the boudoir (in week one she had us learning burlesque dance moves from a pro, and sent us all home with huge vibrators called the Champ). The atmosphere is part frenzied bachelorette (no details are spared) and part therapy session: we’ve had tears within 20 minutes of the first class.
Mom-of-two, Dana hit upon the idea to launch a class for moms when she had her own “mojo malfunction” after having her first child Rocky, now three. The 38-year-old had already written her best seller Mojo Makeover: Four Weeks to a Sexier You, and founded Booty Parlor. So having a crappy sex life, well, just wasn’t part of the plan.
“We plummet on our priority list the moment we have kids,” says Dana. “They’re a joy and it’s wonderful but it’s rare that we get a chance to focus on ourselves. Moms are constantly thinking ‘is it bad that I pretend I am asleep when he tries to make a pass at me?’ or ‘I’m covered in spit-up, I barely have time to wash my hair, and there he is!’…But if you can have some tricks in your back pocket, it can only expand your connection and intimacy. If you want a relationship that is going to last for the next 40 or 50 years. Then you have to be creative in the bedroom.”
Those back pocket tricks include everything from switching your ‘negative body banter’ into a ‘sexy self-loving saying’ – prepare to look at your inflated/deflated boobs in the mirror and tell them they are incredible. To enlisting the help of The Formula (a weekly target of four various, ‘intimate moments’), as well just trying to be a less of a nag with your partner – “start asking him if he ‘will’ do something rather than ‘can’ do something and you’ll notice a different reaction,” says Dana, taking a tip from her go-to relationship bible Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus.
It’s hardly surprising that spectacular sex falls off the bottom of the to do list for lots of parents regardless of circumstances. Not only do mothers lose an average of 740 hours sleep in the first year, working moms do twice as many hours of childcare as their husbands and for those who stay at home, well, apparently they do a job so demanding it ought to earn them $113,568 a year.
For new parent Kristen Zamor, finding out that her daughter (now seven-months-old), had a rare condition called Holt-Oram syndrome left little room for anything else. “Our lives are filled with therapy sessions and doctors appointments – very unsexy topics. I joined the class because I realized that I’d just got lost looking after this wonderful little human being, but I didn’t want to lose who I am as a mother and a wife.” The 31-year-old massage therapist thinks the $150 course has been worth every cent. “I’ve got my self-confidence back, me and my husband have always had a great relationship but this has opened all the doors. We are much closer and communicating better than ever.”
The allure of meeting other moms in a setting that doesn’t involve baby yoga, soccer matches and referring toddler tantrums is also part of the appeal. “I’ve gained a lot more than my mojo,” says 31-year-old, Creative Recruiter and mom-of-one, Rae Jones. “I met incredible women in my neighborhood who I’d like to continue being friends with. And it’s definitely helped me to communicate better with not just my husband but also my friends and co-workers: I learnt how to ask what I want for directly with out beating around the bush.”
“I think 99% of moms would benefit from this,” says Dana who is planning to work up an online version of the course by the summer and will be rolling out the same class format in locations across the US. “I want to give a million moms a mommy mojo makeover!” I can’t help but think that she probably will.
Dana will be teaching the next round of classes at Frolic!, Williamsburg next month. The three-week course starts on April 24th. To book: danabmyers.com