Why I Wanted To Be The Miranda Kerr Of Moms (But Realized It Ain’t Gonna Happen!)

Before I became a mum, I convinced myself that I WOULD be the Miranda Kerr of mothers. I would be well dressed and bouncy and amazing at all times. I would not leave the house in my PJ’s or covered in baby vomit and without a scrap of make up. My hair would always be washed, and I would lose, quite by accident, those 40-odd pounds I’d piled on. Because, well, if Miranda can do it can’t we all? Oh and I would also live a beautiful, organized house where healthy meals would be on the table each night for me and my adoring husband…


THEN, oh boy, I became a mum, and I kind of never leave the house, on the occasion I do venture out to get baby supplies or schlep to the local play area. I am indeed 99.9% of the time in my PJ’s- without a scrap of make up, with baby vomit in my hair. I eat mainly bags of butter chocolate cookies and take out because I have forgotten what real food that isn’t pureed actually looks like, thus I never really lost that extra jiggle b’jiggle.

And on a Sunday morning when my child has been inconsolably screaming for hours straight, and I am sitting in a pile of toys and bagel bits and dirty diapers with the craziest head of hair held together by spit-up and pureed peas, I realize; Miranda Kerr is no longer the beautiful vision of hope that got me through my pregnancy, but a devilish reminder of the fact that I totally failed at being that glowing, well put together mother.


I guess I’ve realized that I’ll just never be that person who jumps for joy each morning before my 5am yoga session pre consuming my thousand dollar smoothie blended with noni and golden nuggets of angel poop (all the while of course, balancing on my head and breastfeeding my son.)

But in those liminal moments, in-between the madness and sheer exhaustion of it all, I somehow find myself happier and more blissfully contented than I could ever have imagined, bursting with a pride I never thought possible. A feeling that totally overshadows being well-coiffed, and model-thin, and erm, Miranda Kerr-ish. Because I guess we’re all our own version of being a fabulous mother even if that version looks totally and completely different to someone else’s.


Photography: All images on left Miranda Kerr; all images on right Zoey Tzfanya



9 Comments on Why I Wanted To Be The Miranda Kerr Of Moms (But Realized It Ain’t Gonna Happen!)

  1. ladyrae
    March 31, 2014 at 11:47 am (4 years ago)

    yes i totally get where you are coming from zoey! that first few months was not how i imagined it would be either. heres to being great moms even through we are covered with peas :)

    • Zoey
      August 24, 2014 at 8:53 pm (3 years ago)

      hehe! Exactly!!!!! :) <3

  2. Dana
    March 31, 2014 at 4:13 pm (4 years ago)

    Great piece!!!!

  3. Kristy
    April 1, 2014 at 9:57 pm (4 years ago)

    I don’t have children but I totally understand the ‘Miranda Kerr life’ you dream of. I now realise that if I had a personal assistant, part-time chef, hairstylist, cleaner, driver, gardener and the other 30 people in her entourage my life would also be super organised, organic, well rested and I would always look fabulous and put together and never be late for anything. All that said I do still do my best to strive for these things.

    • Zoey
      August 24, 2014 at 9:27 pm (3 years ago)

      I whole heartedly agree with you there! Even just having my parents around for a couple of weeks for the first time since I had Bennie, I sort of got a glimpse of what it might be like… to have a moment to myself… to groom and frolic!!!!

  4. Erica
    April 17, 2014 at 11:01 am (4 years ago)

    that girl is stunning – she is as much like mirada ker as miranda mer IMO

    • Zoey
      August 24, 2014 at 8:53 pm (3 years ago)

      Erm, thank you so so much! Sweetest comment ever! :) <3 <3 <3

  5. venessah
    April 25, 2014 at 11:42 am (3 years ago)

    i had to laugh i totally insta stalk miranda kerr too. if only motherhood was as glamorous for those of us living in rainy london!

    • Zoey
      August 24, 2014 at 8:54 pm (3 years ago)

      IF ONLY! How sweet it would be!!! If only life was as glamorous as instagram itself really!!! xx


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